47) Laundry Day

Finally, the day we’ve all been waiting for. Laundry day. It’s a great day to be a sock. We all needed it. We were piled higher than ever before. Maybe they forgot about us. Maybe they just didn’t have time. It’s ok, we understand. Humans are busy and we’re just your clothes. Not like we want to get clean or anything. I would finally be matched with one of my friends. I had been stuck in a pant leg all week. It was dark and I was all alone. Relief washed over me as the human loaded us into the washer. Soon me and my friends would be together.

The washer had always been my favorite. I loved the smell of detergent, fabric softener, and scent beads. It was always such a relief after smelling like ass for a week. The wash would last for an hour, and it would be several more hours before anyone came back. One time they didn’t come back until the next day. Such overachievers, bravo! Sure, we were wet and cold, but at least we smelled like a Spring Meadow.

We were finally thrown into the dryer after a long, damp wait. It was so nice and warm in there and the new dryer sheets smelled heavenly. It’s like a rollercoaster ride in the dryer. We get thrown all around and it starts off fun, but then that ride goes on for two long hours. Motion sickness is a thing guys. We don’t always leave the dryer right away. Sometimes they’ll forget we’re here and they’ll start the dryer up again, as if that somehow makes up for leaving us there for days at a time.

When they remember to take us out of the dryer, we finally see our old friends. They start by dividing us. It’s one of the best things about being a sock. They always match us last, so we get more time to chill with the other socks we don’t normally socialize with. This is our time to do headcounts.

Why would socks need to do regular headcounts? Since the beginning of sock civilization, socks of all ages, shapes and sizes had been disappearing without a trace. Some socks believe that the others got too close to where the water drains out, and they ended up wherever all that water goes. Some think the water just washes them away. Others believe there’s a monster who drags them to sock hell. There are some who believe that during the drying cycle, a black hole forms after so many rotations, and it sucks them into another dimension. There are some crazy socks out there who believe that the humans just misplace the socks. We can never know for sure. Headcounts are a tradition. We must stick together no matter what. This time we were lucky. Everybody was accounted for.

We said our goodbyes as the human started to match us with our pair. This part wouldn’t take long. Once we were matched, we were thrown into the basket of folded clothes. It was nice to get out and breathe but all good things must come to an end. We were going to be waiting there for a week because that’s how long it takes the humans to put us away. Moral of the story, humans suck at doing laundry.